"J-Hell-A" Part One
The Batcave "Batman," Oracle said. "The Joker's on the loose again. Everyone's on the lookout, but this is really your department." "I'll find him," Batman said. "I always do." A crashing noise was heard as Batman turned around and saw the Joker standing in the Batcave, with Alfred's jokerized body slumped against the wall. "Nice place, Brucie!" the Joker laughed. "I don't know why I didn't find this place sooner!" "What are you doing here?" Batman angrily asked. "What, you're not happy to see me?" the Joker asked. "I can see why, though, I am here to kill you, after all." Batman was about to charge, but the Joker held up his hands for a time out. "Now, now, Batsie, must you always stomp first and ask questions later?" Joker asked. "You know what they say, there's more than one way to skin a cat." Just then, the Joker pulled out a bloody Catwoman costume. "Oh, wait, there is only one way. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" New York "So, where do you want to go tonight?" Kyle asked as he and Jen lay on the couch. "How about that new dance club?" Jen asked. "You know, it's been a while since we've been club hopping." A knock came at the door. As Jen went to open it, the entire door was blown off its hinges, knocking Jen across the room. "Jen!" Kyle shouted. He tried to reach his ring, which was lying on the table, but the table was suddenly blown to pieces. "How's it going, pal?" Effigy asked. Kyle jumped to reach his ring, which was now somewhere on the floor. Effigy fired at him and hit Kyle in the chest, causing him to fall back onto the couch. He was bleeding very badly as Effigy approached him. "Kyle, I'm dropping off your papers for-" Terry said as he came through the door. Effigy turned his attention and roasted Terry where he stood, giving Kyle the chance to dive for his ring. "You bastard!" Green Lantern yelled angrily as his costume formed around him. "That's nothing compared to what's in store for you," Effigy said. Detroit John Jones was meeting an associate at the local bar. The place was virtually empty except for a few drunks and the bartender. "Hey, don't I know you?" a man asked as he sat down next to John and lit a cigarette. "No, I don't believe we've ever met," John said. "And I also believe this bar has a no smoking policy." "Oh, I didn't realize. By the way, maybe you'd recognize me if I told you my name," the man said. "I'm called Heat Wave." Before John could react, he was lit ablaze by the man's intense heat powers Metropolis "Kent, I want that story on my desk by 5!" Perry White yelled. "Olsen, in my office, now!" "Wow, Perry's on the warpath today," Lois said. "It's the man's birthday," Clark said. "And the only gift he gets is overtime. I'd be a little testy, too." Suddenly, a cold chill went down Clark's spine as a man approached his desk. "Can I help you?" Clark asked. "Yes," the man said. He was tall and had a goatee that came to a point. "Mr. Kent. Or should I say, Superman?" "I don't know who you are, but this joke is ending now," Clark said. "Oh, but it's just beginning," the man said as he opened his briefcase, revealing a rather large piece of kryptonite. "Hey, Bats, I remember this!" the Joker said as admired the giant coin. "Just imagine the gumballs one could buy with this baby!" Batman was on top of him, but the Joker was quick to leap out of the way. "Now, now, do we always have to fight?" the Joker asked he pulled out a gun and fired. "Just be patient, I'll kill you shortly." "How did you get here?" Batman asked. "A mutual friend gave me directions," the Joker said. "You know, you really need some neon colors down here. Very gloomy." Batman jumped at the Joker, who pulled out a gas gun and fired knockout gas at Batman, who made a last attempt to get the Joker, who just kicked him down. "Now, where's this Robin kid I've been hearing so much about?" The Justice League Watchtower Aquaman, Wonder Woman and the Flash were gathered around the meeting table. "I wonder why J'onn summoned us here?" Wonder Woman asked. "And where are the others?" "J'onn's probably picking up some more Oreos," Aquaman said. "We've got a poker game later tonight." "J'onn did not summon you here," a voice said. "I did." A burst of light flashed before the Leaguers' eyes and Metron appeared. Superman flew above Metropolis. The mysterious man who had shown him the kryptonite had simply vanished. No one had any memory of the man ever being there. Only Clark Kent had seen him. After a quick trip to the janitor's closet, Superman flew out the window. He knew something evil was in his city. "Down here," Superman heard with his super hearing. He landed under a bridge, where the kryptonite was hanging from a chain. "This guy's obviously new at this," Superman said as a powerful punch knocked him twenty feet, landing him directly under the kryptonite. "Feeling weak?" the man with the goatee asked. "That's not normal kryptonite, not the kind you're used to. This kryptonite hasn't been tainted and weakened by space travel. This kryptonite comes from the core of Krypton itself." Superman tried to crawl away as he was kicked in his face, knocking him back under the kryptonite. "But, I'm willing to give you a chance to save your friends," the man said. "Your wife is tied to a train track ten miles from here. In ten minutes, she'll be catching the train the hard way. Your associate Jimmy Olsen is about to take a swim in the East River, with a ball and chain attached to him. In nine minutes, he'll be out of air, and out of luck. And your boss, Perry White? In eight minutes, he'll have a fatal heart attack. Why is it so fatal? It'll happen in an elevator that's conveniently stalled between floors." Superman looked over and saw the kryptonite was now attached to his leg. "You're free to go," the man said. "But the kryptonite unfortunately is free to go along with you." Suddenly, the man just vanished into thin air as Superman struggled to free himself from the chains. Green Lantern and Effigy, after having destroyed most of the apartment building, took to the air. GL knew Jen was still alive under the debris, but he couldn't get to her. Not without Effigy attempting to kill her, too. "This time you're finally going to get yours," Effigy said as a powerful blast shattered through Green Lantern's energy shield. "Where the hell are you getting all of this power?" GL asked as he formed a giant baseball bat and took a swing. "And how did you know where I lived?" "My new best friend told me." Effigy said as he broke the bat in half. "And he gave me a major power boost." Effigy created a huge heat blast, blasting the top half of GL's costume clean off, including his facemask. Green Lantern was totally off balance at this point and Effigy wasn't about to let up. "And after I'm done with you, I'm going to finish off your girl, and all of your little Lantern playmates," Effigy said, as a huge fire shaped fist hit GL, knocking him toward the ground. "Don't go dying on me just yet," Effigy said as he picked GL up just before he hit the ground. "I'm not done with you, not yet anyway." "Metron?" Aquaman asked. "What are you doing here?" "The Justice League is in terrible danger," Metron said. "I must get you three to a safe place, where you will be untouched by the Whirlogog." "The Whirlogog?" the Flash asked. "That rock thing that Darkseid used to take over the world?*" *The now classic Rock of Ages story from the Grant Morrison era "It has fallen into evil hands," Metron said. "Come, there is no time to explain. We must go before you are...erased." "Too late," the goateed man said as he stepped out of the shadows, holding the Whirlogog in his hands. "As they say, ladies first." The rock started to change shape as the man thought. Suddenly, Wonder Woman just vanished from existence. To Be Continued... Previous Issue | Next Issue |
