Arsenal

Harleen Quinzel grinned widely as her limo pulled up behind the studio. The chauffeur opened the door and she bounced out into the California sunshine. "This the place?" she asked. The chauffeur nodded. She hurried into the television studio.

"Whatcha watching?" Donna asked as she sat down on the arm of her chair. Roy Harper occupied the seat. "And more importantly, why am I setting up your apartment for you?"

"Because I'm so irresistible?" Roy asked, with a hopeful tone in his voice.

"Try again," Donna said. A smile spread across her face. "You remember the last time you tried something like this?"

Robin and Kid Flash stood there with their jaws hanging almost to the ground. Wonder Girl flew just above them, hanging on to a screaming Speedy. Unfortunately for him, she was only holding him by his underwear. Speedy was becoming the recipient of the most vicious wedgie ever administered to man.

Roy jumped up. "You know, you look like you could use a hand." He started to turn off the TV, but Donna stopped him.

"Wait," she said. "Look what's coming on." Roy turned back and leaned on the back of the chair that Donna had just occupied.

"Hello and welcome to a very special edition of Oprah," the host said. "I'm Robin Leach, and I'm here with Ms. Harleen Quinzell, better known as Harley Quinn." Harley smiled and waved at the camera. "Now, Ms. Quinn, you've just written a book, called `I'm Too Crazy for Mr. J.' Now, you make some very interesting revelations in here."

"What can I say, Mr. Funnyman?" Harley asked. "I've led a very interesting life!"

"Indeed you have," Robin said. "Now I don't mind saying that I smuggled a copy of this book into my recent outing on Celebrity Survivor, and I was voted off because I couldn't put it down to do chores! Truly incredible reading. Now my biggest question is, it says here that you're the mother of one of the Teen Titans, but you never say which one. I've just got to ask, who is it?"

Harley tittered. "Now if I tell you, it might endanger their secret identity!"

In New Jersey, a television flew across the room and slammed into a wall. "You're not my mother!" Grover Adams yelled.

"That's pretty deep," Donna said. "Who do you think it is?"

"Impulse," Roy said immediately. "Gotta be Impulse. There's no other explanation for him."

"Hmmm," Donna said as she thought a moment. "Robin, maybe? That would explain the deep brooding part of his personality."

"But would Bats put up with it?" Roy thought a moment. "I guess we could call Dick. He'd probably know."

"Now what's happening?" Donna asked, pointing at the screen.

"Ah, yes," Robin said. "I see we've got a question."

"Waddle on out of here," the guest said. "I've got a big question for the kook on stage."

"Now, now," Robin said. "Let's not have any name calling. This isn't Jerry Springer, you know." Behind him, the crowd started chanting Robin's name.

"My question is this," she said as she snatched the microphone and gave Robin a shove backward. "Why do you think you get the right to steal my name?" She whipped off her coat and hat, revealing that she was wearing a purple costume and white face paint.

"Who are you?" Robin asked after a stagehand brought him another microphone.

"I'm the Harlequin, and I'm Harley Quinn's daughter!" Duela Dent yelled.

In Roy's apartment, Roy and Donna were both staring at the screen with their mouths open.

"I didn't see that coming," Donna said. "Think we should get down there?"

Roy thought a moment. "Yeah, we'd better. Miri's got the kids at your place, right?"

Donna nodded. "Yeah," she said. The two dashed for their costumes. As they ran, Roy said, "I'm sure Titans West will be on the scene, but they might be able to use an extra hand or two."

"B-5," a very bored Gar Logan said. He looked around the room filled with dozing elderly people and again cursed Vernon Questor for sending the team here for a goodwill mission. The only people watching bingo boards were Titans. Flamebird scooted down again as Mr. Gilhooly ‘accidentally’ dropped his hearing aid again. She'd already met his happy hands. Red Star was trapped as Mr. Twiddleby again explained how the commies were taking over the world, and how he'd apparently faced Hitler and the Kaiser down at the same time during the Great War. Terra had snuck out and was working with the pottery class. The only ones who'd escaped had been Karen, who had to be at STAR, and Jason, who had an exam that day. Gar's attention was caught as Vibe called out Bingo. The lady Vibe was assisting, Mrs. Lassiter, was fast asleep. With a sigh of resignation, Gar leaned toward the microphone again. "We may have a bingo," he said. "Hold your cards, please." He started down toward Paco and heard an enormous fart as he passed a large woman who resembled Jabba the Hutt.

I'm going to kill Questor for this, he thought again.

Police had already blocked off the area surrounding the studio when Troia and Arsenal arrived on the scene. "Great," a Lieutenant said. "Just what we need. I transfer up here from LA to get away from Titans and they follow me."

Before Arsenal could say anything, Troia smoothly stepped in front of him. "We're here to help, Lieutenant. I didn't think that you'd mind us helping to clean up this mess."

"All right," Lieutenant Williams said. "Here's the situation. We've got two crazies in there facing off with a studio full of hostages, including Robin Leach."

"We were watching," Troia said.

"She was watching," Arsenal interrupted. "I was trying to find the monster truck races."

Williams stifled a snicker. "Sure. Anyway, we were able to get most of the celebrities out."

"Who couldn't you get?" Troia asked.

"Jerry Lewis. Apparently these two both got sick of his jokes and threw him out. So we've still got the audience and Robin Leach to worry about."

"Guess they're not French," Arsenal observed. "Don't worry. We'll take care of this." As the two ran toward the building, Arsenal whispered, "Where are the Titans?"

"Probably some earth-shattering crisis," Troia whispered back.

"Let go of me!" Flamebird yelled. "I'll kill him!"

Red Star, Changeling and Vibe held her back. In front of them stood Mr. Gilhooly. "Squishy, squishy," he said, suggestively squeezing the air.

"Calm down, Bette," Gar said.

"I will not!" she yelled. "This is justifiable homicide! Besides, he hasn't got long left. I'm just helping nature along!"

Troia flew along the ceiling of the studio, carrying Arsenal. He motioned and she silently set him down on a catwalk over the set. The crew had already fled. He carefully leaned over to get a good vantage point.

"Why did you abandon me?" Duela demanded as she advanced on Harley.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry!" Harley yelled. Crying, the two women ran to each other and embraced.

I don't believe this, Arsenal thought. He glanced up and saw Troia motioning to ask what to do. Arsenal just shrugged and turned back to the stage.

"Now that's what it's really about," Robin said, walking back to the front of a camera. "Love can truly conquer all boundaries. All we have to do is let it. I'm Robin Leach. Be good to each other." The audience broke into applause as Robin walked offstage.

Arsenal crept along the catwalk and hurried to catch up with Robin. Meanwhile, Troia recovered a lighting cable and quickly lassoed the two women who were still hugging and crying.

"Are you all right, Mr. Leach?" Arsenal asked.

"Course I am," Robin replied as he opened the door to his dressing room. "I've interviewed Madonna. After that, this was nothing." Robin closed the door in a gaping Roy's face.

In Donna's apartment, Mirage smiled as she made sure that Bobby, Lian and Julienne were all asleep for their naps. She tiptoed back out of the room and quietly closed the door.

As she walked down the hall, a breeze hit her in the face. That's odd, she thought as she walked across the room and closed a window. I could've sworn I closed this earlier.

"Turn around, slut," a hard voice said. Mirage's blood ran cold when she heard it. Shaking, she turned around.

"You," she whispered.

The man smiled. "Me. What's the matter, aren't you happy to see me?" Deathwing leaped toward her…

Next Issue: Deathwing Strikes!

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