“Welcome Home”
Roy Harper put his hands on his back and pushed forward. He was rewarded with a satisfying crack. He looked around and sighed. Even though he and Lian had spent the entire morning carrying boxes into the apartment, all that had been accomplished was to turn an empty apartment into one filled with boxes. Roy sat down and leaned against the wall. “I can’t believe this,” he said. “I’ll bet Donna’s completely moved in by now.” He looked around and finally crawled to the refrigerator. Maybe the previous owners left me a little something to wet the old whistle, he thought. He opened the door and looked inside before he slammed the door shut with a yell. Lian came running out of the room that would become her bedroom. “What’s wrong, Daddy?” she asked. “Nothing, sweetheart,” Roy said as he fought to keep the fridge door shut. “We’re just going to go buy a new refrigerator.” ”Is this one broken?” Roy lurched forward as the fridge jumped again. “Yes.” Donna smiled as she turned off the lights in Bobby’s bedroom. “I wonder how Roy’s doing,” she said to herself. She picked up her telephone but just got dead air. “Guess the phone company hasn’t turned it on yet,” she said. “I’ll just call later.” Donna opened her window and breathed in the air blowing off the bay. “Daddy, I’m scared!” Lian screamed as Roy pushed her out the window onto the fire escape. “It’s okay, sweetie,” Roy said as he finally spotted the box he’d been looking for. “Daddy’s got this taken care of.” Roy jumped past the refrigerator that was trying to eat both him and his daughter and grabbed the box. He tore it open as the refrigerator pursued him. Just as he notched an explosive arrow and aimed, the fridge jumped one last time and unplugged itself. With a groan it fell forward. “Now that was lucky,” Roy said as he eased forward. He nudged the refrigerator with his toe and finally lowered his bow when it didn’t move. “Honey, come on back in,” he said to Lian. “We’re going appliance shopping. With Donna, because Daddy’s almost thrown his back out.” Roy rolled his eyes as he heard his downstairs neighbor banging on the ceiling with a broom screaming for him to keep it down. “All right, admit it,” Donna said as the three browsed through Sears. “You only wanted me here so you won’t have to carry the refrigerator.” “Would I do something like that?” Roy asked, flashing his most disarming smile. ”In a heartbeat,” Donna said. She opened another refrigerator. “Now this one’s nice.” Lian smiled like it was Christmas morning. “Daddy, please!” Roy scowled. “Sweetie, I don’t think a Hello Kitty refrigerator would fit in the apartment.” ”We could put it in my room!” Roy patted his daughter on the head. “You can have your own refrigerator when you’re in college.” ”So what are you looking for?” Donna asked. Roy rubbed his chin. “I don’t really know. Something that says me. Nothing too expensive, though.” Donna smiled. “So you want something cheap that’ll keep your beer cold.” ”Well, when you put it like that… yes.” Donna shook her head and led the way to the sale section of the store. Back at Donna’s apartment, Miriam Delgado smiled as she checked on the sleeping babies. Once she had been known as Mirage – a Titan. But that had been before the birth of her daughter Julienne. Now she was happy simply being a mother and Donna’s babysitter of choice. Miri shuddered as a cold blast of air seemed to blow over her. She turned and saw that the window was slightly open. She walked over and slid it shut then snapped the lock closed. She never knew about the cold, hard eyes that had been watching her. “Roy,” Donna said, growing exasperated, “Come on. We’re almost out of places to look.” ”I don’t know,” Roy said as he fingered the price tag. “This still looks a little steep.” ”Roy,” Donna said as she adjusted Lian on her back. The girl had finally given out about four stops ago. “Let me explain something to you. This is a flea market. You are not going to beat these prices.” ”I’m just not sure,” Roy said. “Twenty bucks is a lot of money.” He turned his gaze to the woman who was running the booth. The overflowing glacier of a woman stood there with what remained of her hair in curlers and wearing a sleeveless muumuu that may have once been pink. A cigarette dangled out of her mouth below an impressive mustache. Her arms were crossed and she glared at Roy’s hopeful look. “Roy,” Donna said, adjusting Lian again, “Give the woman twenty dollars or I will hit you so hard…” ”I’m trying to make up my mind,” Roy said. “How much was that one at Sears again?” Donna closed her eyes and counted to twenty in ancient Greek before replying. “It was a lot more than twenty dollars, okay? Just give the woman her money so I can get home to my son. Miri’s probably wondering what happened to us.” Roy thought and opened the refrigerator to look inside again. “Does this thing have an icemaker?” Donna started tapping her foot. “It didn’t half an hour ago and I’d be willing to bet that it still doesn’t. Why do you want an icemaker anyway? They just go bad in a month or two anyway. I’m just waiting for you to see if there’s a butter dish!” ”Great thinking, Donna!” Roy peered inside the refrigerator again. “Where is the butter dish?” Donna closed her eyes again and mentally cursed herself for giving Roy ideas. When she opened them again, a faint smile spread across her lips as she started a daydream. Hoo, hoo hoo, the flea market woman (who now bore a remarkable resemblance to Jabba the Hutt) laughed. Roy sat before her in a gold bikini. “Come on, Donna!” he called as he adjusted the bikini bottom. “This thing’s really chafing my boys!” In a pit before the throne, Donna (wearing all black and a black cape as well) was armed only with a thighbone as she battled a twenty-foot tall refrigerator. “I’m still not sure,” Roy said. “It’s just so hard to decide.” That’s it, Donna decided. I’m going to kill him. Before Donna could take a step forward, the entire building shook. “What happened, that old woman fall over?” Roy asked. After confirmed that the old woman was still standing (and scowling more than ever), Roy and Donna looked around. A man with a jackhammer and a T on his cowl stood in the middle of the room. “Please allow me to introduce myself!” he called. “I’m a man of wealth and taste, and my name is the Quakemaster! Now, if you would please, give me all your money and you will live. Refuse, and, well,” Quakemaster turned on his jackhammer again. “Now, line up and give me your money!” Roy smiled. “Donna, can you get Lian out of here?” he asked as he slid his sunglasses on. “Looks like I get to have a little fun.” At the booth next to the one with the refrigerator, a young man sat with a yellow bucket on his head, singing along with an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. “My spear and magic helmet!” he sang. “Spear and magic helmet?” Bugs asked. “Spear and magic helmet!” ”Magic helmet.” ”Yes! Magic helmet! Now let me give you a sample!” As the young man stood to the music’s crescendo suddenly Roy yanked the bucket off his head and strode confidently toward the Quakemaster. ”Hey, my magic helmet!” the young man wearing a JSA t-shirt yelled. Meanwhile, three friends were also walking through the flea market. One of them had made another of his famously-disastrous romantic advances. ”How was I supposed to know?” he asked. “Dude, the Adam’s apple is usually a sure-fire tip-off,” the second added. The leader of the three stopped and all three stared at the scene before them. There stood the Quakemaster, Roy advancing on him with a bucket, and a young man screaming about his magic helmet. “Are all the wackos here or what?” he asked. “Well, then, why are we here?” the second asked. They suddenly turned to stare at the one who’d failed in another romantic advance. “What?” he asked. “Really, what?” Ignoring the young man’s screams, Roy smiled as he advanced on the Quakemaster. “Question,” he said, drawing the villain’s attention. “If you’re the Quakemaster, why do you have a T on your mask?” “It’s symbolic!” Quakemaster yelled. “As you see, I use a jackhammer and…” Ignoring the villain’s explanation, Roy swung the bucket by the handle and slammed it into Quakemaster’s head. The dazed villain slid to the ground. Roy grabbed the jackhammer and pushed it away. Finally he threw the villain into another booth, where his head slammed into a dryer and knocked him unconscious. “Symbolic nothing,” Roy said. “I know why you’ve got a T on your head. Tool.” Smiling, Roy walked back to the booth with the refrigerator and started looking inside again. “Are you happy now?” Donna asked as she put the refrigerator down in Roy’s kitchen. “Yes I am,” Roy said with a smile. “Saved the day, didn’t get hurt, and Jabba knocked five dollars off the price of the fridge. So we can get rid of that old one.” ”And by we you mean me,” Donna said. “Where are you planning to send this thing?” ”STAR would be a good choice,” Roy said. “I’m going to put Lian down and I’ll be right back.” Carrying his sleeping daughter, Roy walked out and headed toward her bedroom. “What is this?” Donna asked as she picked up the old refrigerator. “Trident? Never heard of that brand.” With a shrug, Donna picked up the refrigerator and started down toward the street. Next Issue: Roy and Donna get a surprise guest as Harley Quinn shows up for a vacation! Previous Issue | Next Issue |
