Gar Logan, Bette Kane, Tara Markov, and Leonid Kovar sat around a table in the mall's food court. "Come on," Tara said. "You've got to have a really good story you've never told me before."
"Hmm." Gar thought a moment. "You know, I think I've got one. It was Leonid's second trip to America..."
Gar, Bette, and Leonid smiled at each other before Gar continued.
A Titanic Tale from the Sensationally Swinging Silver Age!
"Breaking LeBlanc!"
SMASHINGLY STARRING:
Fiery Flamebird! (Bette Kane)
Groovy Golden Eagle! (Charley Parker)
Hot-Tempered Hawk! (Hank Hall)
Dynamic Dove! (Don Hall)
Lovely Lilith! (Lilith)
Bombastic Beast Boy! (Gar Logan)
SPECIAL GA-GA GUEST STAR:
Stupendous Starfire! (Leonid Kovar)
Bette Kane and Charley Parker walked arm-in-arm through the amusement park. "Hey, Babe," Charley said. "Want me to win you a teddy bear?" He motioned with his thumb at a nearby booth, which contained a baseball toss.
"Sure," Bette said, tearing her attention away from a booth decorated with stuffed Robin dolls. His legs are much cuter in real life, she thought. "You know that these things are just ripoffs, right?"
Charley smiled. "Hey. You've just never seen the master at work." Five dollars later, he and Bette were walking off. "Don't say it," he said.
Bette smiled and laid her head against Charley's bare upper arm. "All right," she said. "But you know I was right."
Charley closed his eyes. "All right. I'll admit it. Those games are fixed. Happy now?"
Bette smiled impishly. "I suppose so. There's just one thing."
"What?"
Bette snickered. "Where did you find that Partridge Family tank top? They're so five minutes ago."
"Hey, I'm on a somewhat limited budget right now."
"Job at the Chicken Shack didn't pan out?"
"No way, Babe! They were just so harsh to me! Show up half an hour late a time or five and they're furious!"
"Imagine that," Bette said. "Look! Cotton candy!" She started dragging Charley over toward the booth.
"Babe, wait! I lost a sandal!" Charley finally grabbed the sandal and started hopping after the determined Bette.
"Cut!" the director yelled. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. "That's a wrap! We're done for the day."
Gar Logan smiled and stood. "Great! I can't wait to get out of this thing!" He walked along the rail and finally got out of the bridge set. Behind him, the director and the main star were getting into another argument.
Gar stepped into his dressing room and quickly changed out of his Tork costume. Turning it around, he was dismayed to see that it also had a hole in the seat. "For crying out loud," Gar said. "I'm growing up. I know this. Everybody knows this. Why can't wardrobe figure this out? Gar angrily wrote a quick note and pinned it to the costume, which he then hung up. "I swear. As big a hit as Space Trek 2020 is, you'd think that we'd have better costumers."
Gar strode outside and walked up the street.
Hank and Don Hall stepped out of their final classes of the day.
"Got football practice?" Don asked.
"Yeah," Hank said. "Gotta take out some frustrations."
"I don't see how hurting yourself calms you down," Don said.
Hank smiled. "It's not me I'm looking to hurt. Seeya later."
Hank walked across campus, leaving Don shaking his head. "I just don't understand it."
A plane landed in San Francisco and a man stepped out. He looked around, then proceeded to get his luggage. Through every movement, he watched for the secret police. But that was just life as usual for Leonid Kovar in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.
Bette Kane grinned at her reflection in the fun house mirror as Charley Parker started nibbling at her neck. "Charley," she whispered, pushing him away. "Not here. There are too many kids around."
"Hey come on, Babe," Charley said, pushing closer against Bette. "Nobody's looking." Just then Bette's attention was captured by a red-haired young lady walking around the corner.
"Lilith!" Bette called, pushing Charley away with a firm hand to the chest. "It's a surprise to see you here."
"There is trouble," Lilith said, her voice sounding faintly distant. "A visitor to our shores has returned in search of an old foe and he needs us to assist him."
"Great!" Bette said. "We'll suit up and I'll call Gar, Don, and Hank."
"Great," Charley said, sounding somewhat less enthusiastic.
The museum curator looked up and saw the assembled Titans West. "Oh, lovely," he said.
"What're you getting, LIlith?" Golden Eagle asked.
"I am not sure," Lilith said. "Something about a display..."
"The Kreplachistani Diamond," a firm voice said from behind them. They turned and saw Starfire standing there. "An old enemy of mine has escaped prison and I believe he has come here. His name is Andre LeBlanc. Some months ago, he tried to rob a museum in the East. I was able to stop him with the assistance of the Teen Titans.*"
(*Teen Titans (original series) #18 - db)
"I saw that!" Flamebird said. "Robin looked so cute in that picture!"
"Hunh," Golden Eagle said. What is her deal with Robin? I could run around in little green panties, too, you know. Maybe then she'd go for a little Eaglemania.
“LeBlanc is one of the world's greatest jewel thieves,” Starfire said. “He nearly killed several of the Teen Titans while they were trying to stop him."
"Hah!" the masked Hank Hall yelled. "That's not saying much. Now with us, you're dealing with a real super team! Don't worry. You can go back and tell your Commie overlords that we'll take care of this."
Starfire's face didn't change, but his hand clenched into a fist. "Imperious American," he whispered.
Don's eyes flicked back and forth between his brother and Starfire. "Come on," he said. "Surely we can work together on this."
Hank grinned. "Don't worry. We'll get this done and then our little Russkie can head home."
"And the sooner I am away from your overbearing excess, the happier I will be." Starfire turned and walked out.
"Umm, guys?" Beast Boy asked. "Shouldn't we take a look at this diamond we're supposed to be protecting?"
"Yeah, why not?" Hank said. "Let's go."
Andre LeBlanc scanned his plans again. Things would be more difficult, but he was now prepared even if the Titans West got involved. Everything was ready.
"Now, everybody remembers what to do," Hank Hall said as the Titans assembled in the display room with the diamond.
"Yes, Hank," Don said.
"Yeah, like, we've only been over it five times," Flamebird said, popping a piece of gum into her mouth.
Hank scowled. "Now where's that little Commie at? Figures he'd get scared and run."
"Maybe he's upset with the way you were treating him," Beast Boy said. "You haven't been the nicest."
"Nice? To a Russkie? Don't make me laugh, Gar!" Hank yelled. "They're just waiting for the US to let its guard down so they can invade and take us over, too!"
Way to wave the flag there, Hank, Bette thought. Flamebird's head jerked around as an alarm started sounding. "I'm on it!" she yelled as she ran out of the room.
"Wait!" Don yelled. "Shouldn't someone go with her?"
"Nah," Hank decided. "She'll be fine."
Flamebird peeked around a corner and grinned as she saw a man in a black jumpsuit standing in the middle of the room. Now what would Robin do? she thought. She grinned as she thought for a moment what she'd like him to do before getting back to the task at hand. She strode forward and stepped onto the carpet.
"LeBlanc!" she called. "Give it up!"
The man turned toward her and his eyes grew narrow as he smiled. "Really?" he asked. "Well then. I guess you'd better arrest me."
Flamebird took two steps into the room then stopped. She looked down and was unable to pull her boot from the floor.
"What?" LeBlanc asked. Bette frantically tried to pull either boot from the floor so she could take another step. "You're going to let a little glue stop you?" He pulled a pistol from a duffel bag of tools and raised it to the ceiling. "I guess I'll be going then. I can't allow myself to be captured by someone so inept. It would just ruin my reputation." Laughing, he fired a grappling hook. He rode the line to the ceiling and then disappeared.
Flamebird dropped her head and felt tears welling up behind her eyes. "No," she whispered.
Golden Eagle soared down the hall he'd been assigned. This gig's starting to get boring, he thought. If not for that Bette I would've split a long time ago. But that bod - mmm! Still, that idiot Hawk's really starting to get on my nerves.
Eagle grinned widely as he became involved in one of his favorite daydreams. Coincidentally, this also starred Bette.
LeBlanc grinned as Golden Eagle, occupied in thought, flew right beneath him. LeBlanc threw a carefully selected vase at Eagle. Eagle let out a cry as the vase smashed against his head and he fell to the ground. LeBlanc carefully lowered himself down to the hall.
"Not to worry, mon ami," LeBlanc said as he quickly tied Eagle's hands together. "That was just a poor imitation. Just as you are a poor imitation of that Hawkman character." Laughing, LeBlanc ran deeper into the museum. The unconscious Eagle still lay in the hall, surrounded by shards of the vase.
Beast Boy, in frog shape, was hopping through his patrol area. Finally he returned to his human form. Man, he thought. This is stupid. We're all wandering through this place when I've got to be on the set early tomorrow. That'll set Tim and Vicky off again, and then we've got another Space Trek cast blowup that the Enquirer seems to love. Beast Boy looked up. That show's getting old anyway. I miss the old days with the Doom Patrol. I still can't believe they're all gone. Chief, Cliff, Rita, Larry... Beast Boy stopped a second and wiped a tear away. Can't be doing that now. Got to be strong. He walked down the hall and instinctively kicked a tin can. Just as his foot hit the can, he thought, What's a can doing here? An instant later, the small electric charge LeBlanc had hidden inside the can went off. Beast Boy's body stiffened and he fell to the floor with a scream.
LeBlanc stepped out of the shadows and scowled. "That still is not working properly," he griped. "It took much too long to stun you. Now I must move quickly, before your friends can stop me." LeBlanc continued running down the hall toward the exhibition hall.
Hank and Don's heads jerked toward the hall as they heard the scream. "What was that?" Don asked. "It sounds like someone's in pain!"
"If it's one of us, that little French guy will be! HAWK!" A moment later, the magics took control of Hank Hall and he was replaced by Hawk.
"Dove," Don said softly. Fully transformed, he stepped over to Hawk. "Hank, don't start anything. We don't have to fight him."
"Yes we do!" Hawk yelled, running out of the room. With a sigh, Dove started to follow. He gasped as a shadow moved from behind a suit of armor and punched him. Dove staggered back as LeBlanc threw blow after blow into Dove's face. Dove finally fell to the ground, blood flowing from his nose and lip.
"Coward," LeBlanc spat. "A pity your powers, whatever they are, were wasted on you." He stepped forward and was preparing to open the case when he heard furious breathing behind him. He turned and saw the angry form of Hawk.
"I've been looking for you, punk," Hawk said. "Now it's time for a little fun."
"I quite agree," LeBlanc said, raising a pistol and aiming it at Hawk.
"No," Dove said, grabbing LeBlanc's pant leg and trying to pull himself up. "No, please,"
"Silence!" LeBlanc roared, kicking Dove in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. He pulled the trigger of the pistol and a cloud of sleep gas poured out. Hawk fought it, but was on the ground within seconds.
LeBlanc tossed the pistol aside and withdrew the diamond from the case. "Beautiful," he said. "And only protected by these fools. These Americans make it almost too easy." LeBlanc froze as he heard a voice behind him.
"Perhaps the Americans do. But the Soviet Union does not." Starfire stepped forward from the shadows with a scowl on his face.
"Starfire!" LeBlanc gasped. "Shouldn't you be back home?"
"The Party takes your attempted thefts from the Kremlin very seriously. The Chairman himself has ordered me to see that you are returned to custody."
LeBlanc ran. He stuffed the diamond into his pocket and hurried into the room where his grappler was. Just as his fingers brushed the rope, Starfire's fist slammed into his jaw, sending him to the floor.
Starfire glowered at him as LeBlanc struggled to get up. "I can't move!" LeBlanc yelled. Then he looked to his side and saw a yellow boot and knew why. A yellow fist slammed into his face and his head sagged to the floor, where he was stuck unconscious.
"Let's see how well your reputation holds up now that you've been caught by someone this inept," Flamebird said. She glanced over at Starfire and smiled. "Thanks," she said.
For the first time since setting foot in the United States, a smile also crossed Starfire's face. "You're welcome," he said.
"So you really took him down?" Tara asked.
Bette smiled as she took another sip off her drink. "Well, I did have a little help."
Leonid gasped as if he'd been wounded. "A little help? I seem to remember that I was a lot of help. After all, you were stuck to the floor!"
"At least she was conscious," Gar said. "I still can't believe I did that. I'd never do anything that stupid now."
Bette smiled. "I can't believe it's been so long." She raised her glass. "To Titans West, past and present. And to those who aren't still with us today."
"To Titans West!" the four friends said as their glasses clinked together.
And somewhere, in the shadows, Hawk, Dove, and Golden Eagle were smiling at them as well.
Next Issue: We're back to the present as the Overseers make their first strike! How will the team react to the Overseers' leader? Find out next time!
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