“It's A Harl World After All”
Yesterday Alex Montez walked through the JSA museum, nodding as he checked off items in his notebook. He took another step and froze as something crunched underneath his foot. He looked down and saw the broken glass. He looked inside the now-empty display case and went white as he realized what was missing. He dropped the notebook and ran out, looking for the one JSAer that was most affected by this. Today "I've never been so humiliated in my life," Gar Logan groused. "What's the matter?" Bette Kane, Flamebird, asked as she handed the autograph book back to its owner. "This!" Gar said, holding his hands out. "Why are we here?" Bette smiled. "We're here because Mr. Questor bought this amusement park and wanted us here for the opening." "But why?" Gar asked. "I mean, I came to Happyland as a kid, but this is just weird!" "I wouldn't complain," Bette said. "After all, Mr. Questor's been paying for the damages to our headquarters. And after the mess that it's been turned into lately, I'd be really careful how much I pushed him." Gar shrugged. "Maybe you're right," he admitted. "But why us?" "Because we're cheap," Bette said before walking toward a kid in an ‘I Love Flamebird’ T-shirt. "Great," Gar said. He looked up as Terra walked toward him, drinking something out of a brightly-colored cup. "What's wrong, boss?" Terra asked, taking another slurp. "What is that?" Gar asked, peeking inside the cup. "Happy Slurp. Tastes just like pineapple papaya. Want some?" "I'll pass, thanks," Gar said. Terra shrugged. "Suit yourself." Gar slumped down beside a fountain of Doofy Dog as Terra slurped away. "I wonder how everybody else is handling this," he said. "You're cute!" Gar heard. He looked up into the face of a grinning six-year-old girl. "You want to be my boyfriend?" "Where's the Brotherhood when you need them?" Gar thought. Red Star and Risk glared at each other. Mal, standing between them, glanced nervously at them and then did the only thing he could. He threw the ball as high as he could into the air and got out of the way. As he hurried back to the safety of the fence, he heard the kids cheering as the one-on-one game got going. He slipped out of the fence and walked toward the concession stand, where he bought a drink. He glanced up as Terra, still enjoying her Happy Slurp, walked toward him. "Who's winning?" she asked, nodding her head toward the game. "Neither one of them's scored yet," Mal said. "Aren't you supposed to be the ref?" she asked. "Are you kidding?" Mal asked. "I call a foul on them and they'll kill me! I'm just keeping out of the way!" Terra just nodded and kept drinking her drink. "What is that thing?" Mal finally asked. "Smells like a science project gone wrong! Maybe I should get Karen on the comm to come over and check it out." "Hmph," Terra asked. "So I can hang out with Gar, who's Mr. Depressed, or Mr. Wise Guy here." "What can I say?" Mal said, smiling. "I just want to make it out of here alive." "Great. It's hot out here. What is it, a hundred today?" Mal shrugged. "Who's keeping count?" Terra just shook her head. "You'd better get back to your game. Looks like things are really heating up in there." "Great," Mal said as he turned back and saw Red Star and Risk becoming more and more aggressive. Somehow he felt that the whistle around his neck wouldn't help much. "Now this'll do it!" Vibe said, admiring himself in the mirror. He was in the dressing room of the Happyland Underwater World swimming pool, and he'd just put on the Speedo he'd bought for the occasion. "Oh, yeah," he said, flexing as he ignored the revolted looks (and an admiring glance or two) from the others in the locker room. "Ladies, watch out." Beaming, he stepped outside into the sun. Once outside, though, he realized that the locker room had been air-conditioned. There was only one solution. "CANNONBALL!" he yelled as he jumped into the pool. Vibe blew water out of his mouth as he surfaced. He started climbing out of the pool and heard screams from all around him. He glanced down and discovered the reason that you never wear a white Speedo when you're getting wet. Turning red, Vibe quickly slid down the ladder and decided to swim a while longer. "I knew I should have gone with the thong," he thought as he slid under the water again. "This is really nice of you guys to do for Mr. Questor," Sarah said. She was walking alongside Golden Eagle, with her arm in his. "No problem," Eagle replied. "After all Mr. Questor's done for us, it's the least we can do." "Still, it's turned the opening into a big success. Look at all these kids!" "Yeah. It's really something." Eagle knelt down and posed for a quick picture with a kid, patted him on the head and walked back over to Sarah. "I guess that we've finally made it. People are really starting to respect us." "Respect!" Gar said. "That's all I really want. I mean, we're not jokes, are we?" "Gar, we're not. And that's the same thing I've been telling you for the last fifteen minutes." Flamebird sipped her own Happy Slurp, having decided to try the Tropical Tiki Tango flavor. "You need to relax. You ought to try one of these! They're really good." "Thanks. That's all I need. Dying of embarrassment while that stuff eats my guts out!" "I don't know. The Guava Grape looks a lot like your skin tone. Maybe Mr. Questor could call it Gar's Guava Grape!" "Great. A drink named after me. Let's hear it for endorsements! Hey, maybe I could put a Preparation H ad on my butt! Thanks, Bette." "Always glad to help." Bette took another swig of her drink. "Hey, where's Karen?" Gar looked up, finally starting to come out of his funk. "Yeah. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her all day." Karen sprinted down the pathways of the park as quickly as she could. Behind her was a pack of children, all chanting "Busy Bee! Busy Bee! Busy Bee!" "Why didn't I charge these wings up?" Karen muttered as she ran. "Then I could just fly out of here!" She quickly ducked into a camouflaged door and locked it. Peeking outside, she saw the kids run past. Smiling, she reached to open the door and the knob fell off in her hand. "I can't believe this," she muttered. She turned and saw that she was in some sort of tunnel. "Well, this has to lead somewhere..." she mused as she started down the tunnel. "Mr. Logan!" Gar turned as he heard Questor calling his name. "Hey, Questor. What's up?" Gar's eyes widened as he saw what Questor was wearing. Long khaki slacks and a Happyland T-shirt. "Whoa, Questor! Where's the shorts?" "Hmph. Have you seen Ms. Simms? We're getting ready for the press conference at the main stage, and I would like for her to be present." "She's probably with Eagle. They're...getting to know each other." Sarah smiled as she laid her head on Eagle's shoulder. Their small boat was slowly moving through Happyland's Tunnel of Love. They were totally oblivious to both the small horde of children outside searching for their beloved Busy Bee, as well as that same Busy Bee, who was currently trapped behind a wall painted with hearts and holding a small statue of Cupid. "This is so nice," Sarah said. "Yeah," Eagle agreed. "It's great to just be able to take a break." He and Sarah looked into each other's eyes, and then their lips finally met. Later... Questor smiled as he stood behind the podium. Photographers crowded to get pictures of him as well as the cut ribbon. Behind them, the crowd applauded. On the podium, the mood was different. "What could possibly happen next?" Gar thought. Flamebird glanced at where she'd stashed her Happy Slurp before coming up onto the stage. Lacking that level of tact, Terra took another pull off of her drink. Mal stood proudly on the stage, after deciding not even to try to break up the ball game between Risk and Red Star. Eagle kept smiling, but his eyes kept flicking offstage to the beaming Sarah Simms. Suddenly a commotion broke out in the crowd. Looking into the mass of people, Gar could only make out a woman. His stomach fell when he finally got a good glimpse of her. The Harlequin stepped forward and smiled. She fiddled with the odd cats-eye glasses she was wearing and stood there as the photographers started snapping her picture. "Bette, is that the Harlequin?" Gar asked, already knowing (and dreading) the answer. "That's the Harlequin," Flamebird confirmed. "I didn't know you invited Harlequin," Gar said to Questor. "I assure you that I did no such thing!" "Oh." Still grinning, Harlequin stepped forward and shoved Questor away from the podium. "Hiya, folks!" she said. "I know it's been a while, so let me introduce myself! I'm the Harlequin!" She leaned forward like she was telling a secret. "And I'm not that creepy phony who's been running around Gotham City lately, either!" She returned to her original pose. "Anyhoo, with the aid of these glasses which were a little unexpected present from the original Harlequin who fought the JSA wayyyy back in the 1700's or something, I've decided to make this a real Happyland! In short, it's gonna be my kinda town!" "That's enough!" Flamebird said as Gar helped Questor to his feet. "You're going too far, Duela!" "I don't think so," Harlequin said, opening a small box. A boxing glove shot out and knocked Flamebird to the ground, unconscious. "But let's see what the folks at home think!" Gar, Mal and Eagle looked out at the photographers. Terra even stopped drinking her Happy Slurp for a second. The news photographers all wore the same grin and started chanting "One of us! One of us! One of us!" "Now that's just too creepy," Mal said. "Yikes! Just…yikes," Terra added. Gar frowned. "Great. We've got to contain them somehow." "Let me try." Terra took one more pull off her drink and raised her hands. An earth wall immediately raised up and circled the photographers, caging them. Behind the podium, Harlequin got an odd look on her face. "Uh-oh," she said. "That's not supposed to happen." "Give up the glasses, Duela!" Gar yelled. "Hmm. Let me think." Harlequin tapped her chin a time or two and then dropped a smoke pellet. "Seeya, suckers!" By the time the smoke cleared, she was gone. "Great. She got away." Terra kicked at a small rock. "No, she didn't!" Eagle yelled. "There she is!" With a smile, Gar turned and saw Harlequin trying to fight her way through the crowd. A small group of children was already trying to figure out which cartoon character she was. Flamebird sat up, rubbing her chin. "What was that?" she asked. Gar helped her to her feet. "Justification," he replied. "Let's get her!" Gar led the charge as the Titans started after Harlequin. "Great!" Harlequin gasped as she ran through the park. "I try to bring a little happiness to people's lives, and this is the thanks I get!" She pulled a door open, revealing a surprised Bumblebee on the other side. "Thank God!" Karen yelled. "I never thought I'd get out of - HEY!" Harlequin just slammed the door closed in Bumblebee's face and started running again. "I can't believe we lost her," Gar said. "Let's try this way. This would be so much easier if everybody else was here!" Mal just looked around. "Anybody seen Karen lately?" Harlequin hurried into the pool area, scattering park visitors. Great, Vibe thought. At least everybody's gone. "Okay!" Harlequin yelled, pulling a pistol from her coat. "I need a hostage! Anybody want to volunteer!" With a sinking feeling, Vibe climbed out of the pool and stood there, ready to fire. "All right, Chica," he said. "Why don't you try me on for size?" Harlequin's eyes bugged out as she took him in. "Definitely, handsome," she said. "What're you doing Friday night? That's pudding night where I'm from..." "There she is!" Mal yelled. Without stopping, Flamebird grabbed Terra's Happy Slurp out of her hands and threw it into Harlequin's face. "My eyes!" Harlequin cried as she covered her face. "I can't see!" "Good," Vibe said as he pulled her glasses off. "Here you go," he said as he handed them to Gar. Gar just silently handed Vibe a towel. "It's about time!" Vibe yelled, wrapping it around his waist. "I'm never coming back here again!" Still muttering, he headed into the locker room. Flamebird just whistled silently and fastened her handcuffs onto Harlequin's wrists. Later That Day... After recovering the rest of the team, Gar walked up to Sentinel, who'd just landed outside the park. "I heard you had a bit of trouble," Sentinel said, smiling. Gar nodded. "Nothing we couldn't handle. Here, I think these are yours." Sentinel smiled wider as he took the glasses from Gar. "Ah, yes. We've been looking for these. They're the only pair left for display in the museum. We'd still be looking for them if Oracle hadn't spotted them on the news feed." Sentinel looked the glasses over. "The original Harlequin gave me more than one run for my money with these things." Gar thought a moment. "How did you take care of her, anyway? I mean, it's been a long time since she attacked you." Sentinel chuckled as he started to fly away. "Easy, son. I married her." Gar just stared as Sentinel flew away. "Married..." He thought a moment. "I guess we'll just have to fight her." He turned and walked back to the team. Later Still... Tired and grumpy, the team reentered their headquarters and headed for the conference room. "You know, if Harlequin hadn't shown up, I'd feel like I was some sort of joke out there," Changeling griped. "I just wonder how she found out about those glasses," the now-rescued (and recharged)Bumblebee said. "I thought that they kept that sort of material out of inmates' hands. I've got a few questions about that." "How coincidental," a voice said. The team turned and saw Troia, Nightwing, Arsenal, Tempest and the Flash standing there. "We've got some questions for you, too." To Be Concluded... Next Issue: It's the fight you never thought you'd see! Titans West versus the ORIGINAL Teen Titans! 'Nuff said! Previous Issue | Next Issue |
