“Welcome to Hell”
“No. Way.” Kon-El said as he crossed his arms to declare his stance. “It’s just a pair of glasses,” Martha said. “I think you need to disguise yourself in some way. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but Superboy is pretty popular around this town.” “She’s right, “ Jonathan said as he sat in his chair, reading the evening paper. “Secret identities may not have been important to you in the past, but you will need one in a place like Smallville.” “No. Glasses,” Kon said as he continued his stance. “I’ve already done the nerd bit when I was playing Karl Grummett. I don’t want to go back to that.” “Well, what would you suggest?” Martha asked. “Next!” The old woman said as the next student approached her to get their class schedule. “Name?” “Kent,” the blonde boy said. “Connor Kent.” Luckily, Kon was able to get his good friend Impulse to bring a disguise over within seconds. Well, after the third try, at least. The first two times, the speedster had brought French fries and mud pies. “Here,” the old woman said. “And don’t steal anything on your way to class.” “Excuse me?” Connor asked. “She’s just paranoid,” the girl said as she approached him. “She used to work at UPN. Hey, it’s you. You look different.” “Uh, yeah,” Connor said. “I’ve always preferred blonde. Shauna, isn’t it?” “Yeah,” Shauna replied. “Maybe I’ll see you in one of my classes. See you around.” Connor watched the girl saunter away, then quickly snapped back to reality when he was thrown against a locker. “Listen, punk!” a towering teenager said. He was at least six feet tall, with flaming red hair and freckles. Connor would have brought up the parallels to Alfred E. Neuman if his concentration hadn’t been thrown off. “That’s my girl! Stay away from her!” “Relax, Archie,” Connor said as he shoved back as lightly he could, so as not to toss the guy through the wall. “It’s not like I asked the girl out.” The bully’s face started turning red. “What... did you call me?” Suddenly all the students started running for cover. “I called you Archie you red headed mother fu-” Connor was cut off when a fist plowed into his face. Luckily his tactile TK took most of the blow. The guy charged at Connor, who stepped aside and was planning to grab him and pull him to the ground. Instead... Riiiippppp! “Oh, damn,” Connor said as he averted his eyes as he tossed the clothes in his hands behind his back. “My bad.” The now nude bully covered his most private of parts and ran off to find cover. “That was so awesome!” a scrawny boy said as he ran up to Connor. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. No one’s ever stood up to Duke and lived to tell about it.” “Well, the guy was asking for it,” Connor said as the bell rang. “Oops, time to get to class. Want to point me in the right direction... you?” “The name’s Kenny,” the freakishly scrawny boy said. “Kenny Klutter.” “I’m Connor Kent.” Connor said as the boy led the way. Metropolis Amanda Spence pulled out her ATM card and deposited it into the machine. She still had enough funds left for one last attempt at Superboy. “I’ll just lay low for a little while,” She thought to herself. “And acquire what I need while I track down that little bastard.” Amanda headed toward an outside restaurant and, while waiting to be served, she pulled out the want ads. “There must be something in here to keep me occupied while I bide my time.” She said as she noticed one that would be perfect. “Excellent...” “Hello, boys and girls,” The gray haired man said as stood in front of the class. “My name is Mr. Stein. Welcome to Science 101. I’m going to take a roll call. Anderson? Andrews? Bueller?” Connor and Kenny snuck in and sat down in the back. “Bueller?” “What’d we miss?” Connor asked the girl sitting in front of him. Shauna turned around. “Well, hello again.” “Bueller?” “This is my lucky day,” Connor said. “Well, outside of meeting the jolly red giant earlier.” “You’re the one who did that?” Shauna asked. “I admire a man who has a death wish.” “What did she mean by that?” Connor asked. “Bueller?” “Yes, he’s doing just fine,” Martha said while talking on the phone. “He’s a bit rough, but life on the farm will do him good.” “Tell Clark I said hello.” Jonathan said as he was on his back under the sink before he got a face full of water. “Your father says hello,” Martha said. “Yes, he still refuses to call the plumber.” “I don’t need no blasted plumber overcharging me for something I can do on my own.” Jonathan said as the pipe finally burst. “No, that’s not necessary,” Martha said. “Alright, we’ll see you later. Oh, for God’s sake, Jonathan, call the plumber before you ruin the floor.” “Alright, these are highly explosive chemicals,” Mr. Stein said. “So be sure you’re wearing your goggles and rubber gloves.” “This isn’t so bad,” Connor said. “This high school thing is easy.” Kenny was trying to put a small drop of a chemical into a beaker. “Careful... careful...” “So, you know you’re way around the school, right?” Connor asked. “Any chance you’d know who’s single-” It was at that point that Connor slapped Kenny on the back, causing him to spill more than just one drop. BOOOOM!!!! Less than five seconds later, the science lab was gutted. Luckily no one was hurt beyond some minor singing. Less than five minutes later, Connor and Kenny were sitting outside of the principal’s office. “I don’t know what to say,” Principal Moral said. He was a middle aged black man, with a receding hairline. “No one’s ever blown up a portion of our school before.” “Sorry,” Connor said. “It’s just that-” Moral held up his hand. “You’ve been one day and you’ve already caused massive damage. First you attack our star quarterback-” “Hey, he attacked me,” Connor said. “I was just acting in self defense.” “By ripping his clothes off in full view of a hundred students?” Moral asked. “I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Kent. By the way, are you in any relation to one Clark Kent?” “You could say that,” Connor said. “He’s kind of like a big brother.” “Sweet Jesus,” Moral said as a shiver ran down his spine. “Now I’m really going to have to keep an eye on you. You’re both dismissed.” Connor and Kenny were walking down the hall as the students were giving them dirty looks. “It’s only the science lab, right?” Connor asked. “What else could have possibly-” “Because you two, money’s being taken away from the sports program,” Duke said as he grabbed both of them by the neck. “Until the science lab is fixed. You two are so dead.” “Put them down, Duke,” Shauna said. “You’re going to be late for practice.” Duke dropped them both. “This isn’t over.” As the two walked away, Shauna looked over her shoulder toward Connor. “She wants me.” Connor said as he opened his locker. “Just let me know what you want on your headstone,” Kenny said. “I’ll see you later.” “Hang on, I’ll go with you,” Connor said. “You know, to protect you from that big ape.” Connor slammed his locker, but as soon as the door closed, it exploded, causing a chain reaction all the way down the hall, doing the same thing to everyone’s locker. “Holy shit, did I do that?” Connor asked. “KENT!!!” came a booming voice from the principal’s office. Connor ran for the door, grabbing Kenny along the way. To Be Continued... Previous Issue | Next Issue |
