Maxwell Lord almost felt like whistling. After he’d managed to get Power Girl and Booster Gold into his office, a compromise between the two had been easy to work out. Booster agreed to quit trying to take over Starrware, and Power Girl agreed to let go of Booster’s throat.
He walked cheerfully past the monitor room, where Oberon was now screaming at Booster for trying to sneak out of monitor duty again. He’s going to have a stroke if he keeps that up, Max thought. He considered trying to calm Oberon down, only to change his mind.
Still in a good mood, Max exited the embassy and climbed into his limousine. He started to lean forward to tell the driver where to take him and suddenly he realized he was not alone. The door locks snapped down as the leader of the limousine infiltrators leaned close to Max.
“At last!” Major Disaster exclaimed. “We have finally managed to abduct Maxwell Lord, leader of the world-famous Justice League International! Once we return to our secret, hidden lair, we will ransom him for the glory of the Injustice League! And we will make Clock King sorry that he isn’t here with us!”
As Disaster burst into crazed laughter, Max’s head sank. He’d dealt with these idiots more than once. But now the unthinkable had happened. He was going to miss Lost.
“Aren’t secret and hidden the same thing?” Multi-Man, obviously in a down mood, asked as Cluemaster pulled the limo away from the curb.
Big Sir, seated across the car, started clapping. “We’ve got a special guest!” he exclaimed with joy.
“Actually,” Cluemaster said over his shoulder, “something could be hidden but not be a secret. Like hide and seek. You know who you’re looking for.”
Multi-Man rose to the challenge and started arguing with Cluemaster.
Max’s head sank lower. He’d also forgotten to Tivo Desperate Housewives. This now qualified as a crisis.
Booster Gold was snoring with his feet up on the console as the main monitor began beeping. The beeps didn’t even wake him.
Miles away, Major Disaster held a telephone receiver. “Why can’t you people answer the phone?” he shouted. “I thought you always had someone watching the monitors! What would you do if aliens invaded? Or Darkseid attacked?”
“Or supervillains abducted your team leader?” Multi-Man chimed in.
“Exactly!” Major Disaster shouted.
Oberon grumbled as he walked into the monitor room and caught Booster napping. “Answer the phone!” he screamed, jolting Booster awake.
Booster grabbed the phone. “Justice League International,” he said. He held the phone out and looked at it. “Nobody there.” He promptly went back to sleep.
Major Disaster slammed the phone down. “Well, that’s not working,” he said. “It looks like we’ll have to go to plan B.”
“What’s plan B?” Multi-Man asked.
“I thought we were still trying to figure out plan A,” Cluemaster added.
Major Disaster scowled as Big Sir started clapping his hands and singing the alphabet song. Max, for his part, just sat back in the chair he’d been duct-taped into and tried to be inconspicuous.
Tora Olafsdotter leaned back against the bar in Warrior’s. “You’ve really done a great job with this place,” she said. “I don’t tell you that often enough.”
Guy Gardner smiled. “Thanks,” he said in an uncharacteristically restrained tone.
Tora looked around. “It’s so quiet,” she noted. “What time do you open?”
“I decided I’m not today,” he said. He led her into a private dining room where a meal waited with lit candles. “You know what today is,” he said.
“Yes,” Tora said. “Today’s the anniversary of the day you saved me.”
“Right,” Guy said as he pulled out her chair. “That’s why we’re having a private dinner and tomorrow we’re going to meet Bea at the mountain where we brought you back.”
Tora smiled. Her eyes glistened in the flickering candlelight.
Back at the embassy, Karen Starr hurried as she spotted Oberon in the hallway. “Oberon, have you seen Max?” she asked. “I need him to authorize some upgrades to the League’s computer equipment.”
“I’ve got no idea where he’s at,” Oberon groused. “I’m too busy babysitting.” Oberon stopped in an open doorway. “Wake up, Booster!” he bellowed. “If I catch you sleeping again, I’m going to-“ Karen slipped further down the hall as Oberon began graphically describing his upcoming removal of several areas of Booster’s anatomy.
She walked into the laboratory where Blue Beetle was working on a computer. “Hey, Ted,” she said. “Have you thought any more about when you want me to try and do those software upgrades?”
“I’m ready as soon as Max okays it,” Beetle replied.
“That’s the problem,” Karen said. “Nobody seems to know where Max is.”
“No problem,” Ted said. “Just forge his signature. As long as Catherine can’t tell any difference, it’s fine.”
“Aren’t you a little worried?” Karen asked. “Is it normal for Max to just… disappear like this?”
Ted turned around and leaned back at the console. “Listen, you know how Max is. He’s probably gotten a date with some beautiful woman and he doesn’t want to expose her to us. He’ll show up in a couple of days, probably hung over, and he’ll be surprised that we survived without him.”
“Really,” Karen said. “And you’re sure that nothing could possibly go wrong.”
“Absolutely,” Ted said with a smile. “We’re the Justice League. There are superheroes all over the place here. Who’d be stupid enough to try grabbing Max from right under our noses?”
Major Disaster sat at a hastily-constructed conference table as the Injustice League fumed around him. Max was still tied to a chair in another room. Cluemaster was drumming his fingers on the table as Big Sir played with a paddleball.
“Will you stop that before I break your fingers?” Multi Man exploded.
“Hey, what else am I supposed to do while our fearless leader figures out a new plan?” Cluemaster asked.
“It would help me figure out the plan if I could have a little quiet!” Disaster yelled before jumping to his feet and storming out of the room.
“Makes me wish we could just take him back,” Cluemaster mused.
Disaster froze. “What did you say?” he asked.
Cluemaster shrugged. “I was wishing we could just take Lord back. But he’s seen us, so that won’t work.”
Disaster smiled.
“So let me get this straight.” Four gang members, wearing the Injustice League’s costumes, stood in front of the Injustice League, who were dressed in civilian clothes. “You gonna tie us up and say that we kidnapped the leader of the Justice League.”
“That’s about it,” Disaster agreed.
“You outta your mind, man,” the leader laughed. “You gave us the power to rule the streets and after we waste you losers, ain’t nobody gonna stop us.”
“Actually, there’s one thing you didn’t realize,” Disaster said as a smirk spread across his face. “None of those weapons are working.”
“What?” the leader gasped. He raised his hands at Disaster and nothing happened. The gang member wearing Cluemaster’s costume threw pellets at the Injustice League which smashed onto the ground with no effect.
“Time to finish earning our alibis,” Disaster said. With a shout, the Injustice League attacked the powerless imposters.
Max Lord blinked as his blindfold was pulled off. Before him stood the non-costumed Injustice League. “Are you all right?” Major Disaster asked. Max felt the ropes on his hands loosening as Cluemaster untied his wrists. “We found out those impersonators had stolen our costumes and kidnapped you and we knew that we couldn’t just leave you in their hands.”
“Right,” Max said.
“We’ve called the police and they’re on the way,” Disaster said. “Hopefully we got here before they hurt you.”
Max glanced at his watch. “Let’s face facts,” Max said. “I know that you are the ones who kidnapped me. I know that something went wrong and that’s why you’re pretending that it was somebody else.” Max paused as Multi-Man lit a cigar for him. Max took a puff and continued. “Get me home by the time Lost starts and all is forgiven.”
Disaster turned to the others. “Get the car, Cluemaster!” he ordered.
“You’re kidding,” J’onn J’onzz said. He stood before Max’s desk where Max had just finished recounting his adventure. “No one even knew you were missing?”
“Apparently not,” Max said. He thought a moment. “By the way, Mr. Telepath, why didn’t you realize that?”
J’onn unconsciously remembered his actions of the night before, then answered the question. “Um… I was deep in meditation after helping Scott and Barda with some work in their warehouse.”
Max smiled. “Nice try, but I already checked with Scott and Barda, who were watching a movie. You were in an Oreo filling sugar coma again.” Max put his feet up on his desk. “Don’t worry. I’m not upset. Although I would appreciate a bit faster response time the next time I’m kidnapped. And I’m going to ensure that something bad happens to Booster.”
J’onn left the office and bumped into Power Girl. “How mad is he?” she asked.
“We’re all off the hook except Booster,” he said. J’onn started down the hall. “I’m going to go work on coming up with some new plans on how we can better protect Max.”
“You’re out of Oreos!” Power Girl called, stopping J’onn in his tracks.
“Then in that case I shall go work on coming up with some new plans on how we can better protect Max at the store.” J’onn morphed into his human form and started down the stairs.
The End...
Next Issue: It’s the first JLI annual! Join the League as they go around the world! Max on Oprah! Mister Miracle and Big Barda in London! Guy Gardner, Ice, and Fire reveal the truth behind the day Ice returned to life! And Booster and Beetle meet some League applicants?
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